Round up...

Some time early this year,I came across a full nude pic of  one of my friends online....so i uploaded it,and emailed it to him with a very short message''i came across this very very nice package online...and thought of sharing it with you......Hahaha,what were you thinking posing nude for a photo shoot right after sex?''.......you know  what they say,Karma is a Biatch.

Last night,(cough,cough,cough!!) I came across my own nude pics on the net... (neck downwards).....FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! OMFG!!WHO DOES THAT??I thought i have cordial relationships with all my Ex’s....I was clearly mistaken.I have only posed nude for pics once and that was for my first girlfriend when i was young and stupidly stupid.Oh well,there is nothing to be done about that.If i ever meet her in this life,I will thank her  for the free public display of my toys,&cutting my top head off...All this from the one girl that i truly ever had feelings for.....every other girl there after  has been a meet and comparison to her.

I am an expert when it comes to loosing phones.Yes i lost another one...what makes it hurt this time,is that it wasn't mine. so I have decided to get the cheapest and ugliest cell hoping that this one will stay in my possession a bit longer than I can keep my pants on.

One of my best friends gave birth to twins(boy and girl)...I got to find out 3 days later thanks to the phone curse...but it was nothing compared to the curse words i got on my sim inbox,facbook and email from her for not having a phone when she needed me most....apparently,she wanted me to be with her in hospital to select the first names for them....but clearly they couldn't stay  nameless for 3 days.

I finally found  a barista course training institution (not the lawyers you twit!!)The other one....Coffee brewing expert art.That is what what led me to jump ship and sail into the hospitality industry.Now that i have found specifically what i wanted,I have  decided to go slow on university and pursue this first.Its  a short course with additional skills that i have always wanted.

My sister and my best bi-girl Friend asked for advice from the one person who gives twisted advise(me).One of her sisters clients,a married woman,has been flirting with her and is now hitting on her straight on.My sis doesn't know how to tell this client to back off.

My friend  on the other hand,has a big girl crush on her co-worker,has a boy who is facebook stocking her and sending her nude pics of himself and a boyfriend who seems to be ignoring all her sexual advance and using money to make up for it.

My advice to both of them,Girls,That is none of my business...I am no shrink but i can give u this as the first and only free consultation.....Go with the flow.....DO it,BUT don't do IT.It will die off after a while and both parties win.

I have been invited to 3 special birthdays on the same day/weekend.....I cant attend all of them because they are all being celebrated in different towns.One is in Olepolos the other one is in Nanyuki and the other one in Mombasa.....Why cant they all plan and celebrate getting older in in their home town Nairobi?

Have a great Monday!

Public wash rooms

A weird thing happened yesterday. I stopped at nakumatt lifestyle just to pick up a few things at  and was so pressed such that the moment i got out of the supermarket, i ran straight for the washroom carrying the luggage.  

A guy was on there at one of the two urinals so I went up to the other. After a second I noticed in my peripheral vision the dude had a major hard on...all out and not trying to hide it.

I thought..holy shit!!..and tried to casually get a better look. He turned towards me a little and I looked over at him. He wasn't good looking but not gross either...so I just smiled and looked down at his erection for a good look. It was very nice looking. I realized with slight embarrassment for some reason.....that I was getting hard too since I was just standing there holding myself.

I looked back up at the guy and he was smiling and intently looking my now almost full erection. I was not sure what to do...so I stood there like a fool. Then he reached over and grabbed hold of my dick and started squeezing and stroking it. I looked back down at his,dropped my shopping on the floor and reached over and started doing the same to his. After a while,I was cumming right there in a public bathroom by the hand of some stranger.Then he came too.

I just looked at him in complete silence. He said thanks man...shoved his dick away and  asked if we could exchange numbers.... I just laughed hysterically,picked up my shopping and  went to the sink,cleaned up and stood there until he left.... don't ask why,coz i cant answer that.

Isn't it funny how we always go against bathroom etiquette rules.....And by We i mean I!!....

I have another draft about something almost similar to this, that went down in the school urinal last week...but it just wasn't as juicy as this.....if anything,i should delete it or wait till more meat builds up on it.

 I'm still surprised by the whole encounter.... It was not something that I planned on doing..but it happened. Fucking crazy....

The other encounter in the same lifestyle bathroom,was with a man of the cloth about 4 years ago...YES!!my     young West-African parish priest but that went in a whole different direction because he grabbed my ass and when i turned around a deep throat tongue awaited me......And for that,he got a push,punch and a few words to straighten him....If he were still in Kenya today,I wound have found him and finished what he started.

How do I get into these situations?

Oh well..at least it makes for an excellent post.

Mothers day

I hope that we all think of our mothers today. I love my mama, but like all mothers, she drives me crazy most times. It has been  a long, seven year period  since i moved out of  her house after a small misunderstanding.

Like all other arguments,we got over it,but i decided never to look back...even after her begging me several times to go back home.I consider myself really lucky because even at my age,she still takes on  her responsibility when it comes to my education, upkeep,and general well being....That's what mums are for i guess...always there with you through the good,the bad and the ugly.

So even if your mother drives you crazy, I hope that you still have a good relationship with her and tell her how much you love her today.


I love you, Mama.

(She would surely die if she ever saw this blog.Happy mothers day!!)

Suck a dick....Its good for you.

Depression:   According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression,many felt much better after sucking a Dick. This is because Dick juice contains a protein that the body converts into serotonin which is known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills -- suck a Dick. The semen regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: Dick semen can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: Dick semen is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So Much so, the US Food and Drug Administrationhas approved whereas physicians can make official claims for the Dick juic e's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham(Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by suckingat least ten Dicks at breakfast, break and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the protein packed Dick juicecan assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation:A huge amount of Dick juice strategically placed high in the lower intestinal tract can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers:One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is suck at least six verylarge Dicks smothered with honey and milk. The Dick juice, with the help of the honey, calms the stomach and builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heart burn: Dick juice has a natural antacid effect in the body. So, if you suffer from heart burn, suck a couple of Dicks for soothing relief.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing Dick juice from the inside of a condom on the affected area. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Dick juice sucked rapidly from six well-hung, full-of-cum studs help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austriafound pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic induced food cravings, we need to controlour blood sugar levels by sucking on quite a large number of Dicks every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: Dick juice can be used as a dietary approach against intestinal disorders because of its creamy texture and smoothness. Dick juice is the only know protein that can be ingested without distress in over chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Research findings in Australia reveal that sucking Dicks is a way that can lower a higher level of anxiety as well as physical temperature spikes. For example, eighty-percent of the research subjects who sucked at least ten Dicks in a twenty-four period maintained a very stable emotional status and cooler temperatures.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) : Regularly sucking Dicks can help SAD sufferers because Dick juice contains a natural mood enhancer, sperm.

Smoking: Sucking Dicks can also help people trying to give up smoking. Dick juice aids the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Dick juice is vital to help normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When  we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, there by reducing our level of Dick juice. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high amount of Dick juice.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine sucking Dicks as part of a regular, daily routine can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts:Those keen on natural alternatives swear that, if you want to kill off awart, take a freshly used condom full of Dick juice, roll it up toward the reservoir and then apply the sperm still in the condom directly on the wars. Carefully hold the condom in place with a plaster of surgical tape!

Dick juice is a natural remedyfor many ills. When you compare it to other fluids, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals.It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best methods to obtain satisfying "foods!"So maybe its time to change that well known phrase sothat we say, "A Dick a day keeps the doctor away."

And there you have it!!!! Proven facts on why you should have some cum today.


Dial 1-800-SUCK-TWISTED-DRY


[I had to share this info i came across with all of you....Don't ask where i got it,just act on it.]

Can you keep a secret??

It was a dirty little secrete and they always come out.its always only a matter of time before they do......As i said,they always come out.

As at now, a couple of close friends and family members know that i like boys just as much as i like girls and most of them don't seem too bothered.And  even if they did get uncomfortable about the issue,there is nothing they can do about it.....I have a simple rule that most have come to understand even without me talking about it.

''if am not fucking you,who i choose to have fun with in bed,on the floor,on the kitchen counter,in the bathroom or in the great out doors, is none of your business!!.''

Someone emailed me last night to ask me how gay i am.So i gave him a number and told him  to look it up on  the Kinsey scale.I certainly wasn't impressed at how poorly he did that quick assignment because i got another email from the same person again this morning asking the exact same question.

I will refrain from calling him a retard and  instead of answering back on email because its rather self explanatory,I thought to myself,why not share if with everyone else.At lest that way,there will be less questions on that matter coming my way.

For those who are not familiar with it; The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale.It attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of his or her sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. In both the Male and Female volumes of the Kinsey Reports.And an additional grade, listed as "X", was used for asexuality.

The scale is as follows:
Rating Description
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
X Non-sexual

I fall on number (3 )on the scale at this time in my life but for a long time my episodes were on number(2)....That wasn't so hard to understand now...was it??

My ideal scenario is to find someone in the same situation as me. Bisexual, dating a girl and a boy, something around there. Interested in being "buddies", friends..I mean real friends. Best friends. Be able to trust each other with everything, even our deepest, darkest secret...I had one of those but things got complicated when he wanted more than i could give.

b-day meets school

Yesterday was my god son’s second birthday party, a sure fun way to end the holiday break.Every thing worked according to plan as scheduled,and the rains decided to give us a break for the most part of that day. Happy Birthday Gee!

And because of that,i have spent the most part of my day cleaning up after everyone else.The entire house was a total mess....Being a host can be such a chore but who is complaining?I would do almost anything in my power for this boy.He may not understand it for now but sure hope he does in the near future.

I was pleased to be able to see my bedroom carpet and now that i know it exists,its time to throw everything back on the floor....I like to keep  every part of the house tidy with the exception of my room.For some reason,i can never seem to find things when i need them in a tidy bedroom........[That's just me.]

                                         Organized mess!I never miss a thing when my room looks like this.....

On an unrelated story...Truth be told, i have really missed school( that is sooooo  wrong on every level but it is what it is)...As a rule,i only attend a day of school during the first week of the semester,but  that rule might be bent this time round......Let me think about it....Done!The decision has been made....Time to go watch a movie or two in bed as i night crunch and kill myself with chocolate.

Cops and robbers ||

So there i am thinking  to myself,If this God really exists,then why does he always stick the thugs magnet on me??The internal soliloquy continues  and i rant  some more ...Then i am reminded by an internal voice of how if it wasn't for the same God,i could have lost my school fees in an instance....if anything,i should be extra  thankful that  all my eggs were not in tone  basket. The only legal identification document i had left,which was my passport, was safe in my blazer pocket along with my pocket change from the previous Jav.It just so happened that pocket was spared by chance..
So why wallow in my sorrows?i certainly didn't have time for that.Life was going to move on as though nothing happened.

With all the detective and crime series and movie plots that i follow,I filled some of the blanks for myself.The conductor was not on board when the incident took place,....the driver didn't even attempt to take  off and better still;even with the women screaming like lunatics right after the thugs got off,the police officer at the round-about which was approximately 100 meters from the scene of the crime was least concerned and added insult to injury by waving at the driver with a grin as if to assure him that he will get his cut at the end of the day.

I end up saving the fare to town since we are required to go report the matter at kamukunji police station.Two times in a station in one day was not gonna happen.Clearly didn't have time for that....I had a planned agenda for the day and wasn't gonna let it involve more cops.I know better than to waste my time on that.After all,I had a play to get to and was running late.

I get to the CBD, facebook inbox my date for the day and cross my fingers that she gets the read the message before i get there.(which clearly didn't happen).She was held up at work and Nairobi's traffic wasn't helping matters either. Now that's how she puts it but i  dint see it that way,''you stood me up bitch''!!!...But because she is a good friend and will probably read the blog,i think i will leave it at that or get ready to receive some  bitch slaps....

‘Dirty sexy money’.This was the first play under<festival of creative arts>.I have  waited  till the last show was over  post what i thought of it.I was drawn to watching it because of the strictly adults only banner that i saw on its advert.A must -see witty and intelligently crafted comedy  was enough to sell it ,so i just had to see for myself what was so different about this play.

In my opinion,was that age restriction really necessary?Nope!!There was nothing i saw or heard that a 16 year old hasn't.In this comedy thriller,a model and her ex-boyfriend have concocted what appears to be the perfect plot to acquire a very large amount of money.The would-be murder plan involves the model’s current boyfriend and his parents-the dad a lustful mp and the step mom.But these two are not the only ones plotting-every one it seems,is double-crossing another thus making more twists and turns in the plot than those of the bold and the beautiful with even the police getting muffled up in the deal.

For a two hour play with only7 actors, 5 major actors with the other 2 actors appearing just about five minutes to the end of the show,this was really something.I  loved almost every minute of it.

What i liked most:--The plot,--the 3 very beautiful actresses representing with there great outfits and make up to go with their roles,--how the models current boyfriend really got in tune with his role towards the end of the play;from his cry for help(i saw the tears,the blood shot eyes and the pumped up veins)That was an extra effort on his part,--How the model worked that hot body,--oh,and the nice Decor and props

What was not so good:--All the men's clothes were hideous to say the list apart from the police officer because his outfit suited the role,--being realistic,there is no model who would be caught dead in such a wig even in the after life,--for an18+ show,i only saw one quick kiss,a peck or 2 on the chicks and a whole lot of teasing which got boring after a while....And the mother of them all,there semi nude male scene  played by the MP,who was wearing a short tight silk  robe  on such a shapeless body. As if that was not enough to kill us,he  sits and spreads hos hideous legs apart. (the woman seated next to me got to telling me of how close she was to puking inside her bag)....

And,just because nation media group was one of the partners  doesn't give them the right to have some photo journalist moving around the entire theater taking photos from all angles of the play.Since the place isn't that big,having the journalist sit in for 3 plays consecutive plays would be enough to cover all angles.I got to see that journalist more times than i saw 4 of the actors....so in actual essence,she was part of the play.

Overall,the play was good...if i were to rate it,ad give it  a 7.5 out of 10.For a while there,i  got to forget my twisted life.

Fast forward--The jav ride back home was all house,pop ,dance and a bit of rock music.This was a honored  request by  twisted through the kange’who has tried so hard to hit on me.Am not playing hard to get,I  have let him know a gazillon times that i just ain't that into him......

The  next <festival of creative arts>  production at alliance  francaise  is betweein july 5th & 8th.see you there.

Cops and robbers

Well well well....yesterday was another one of those days that i would rather not talk about*fucked up as hell*...but then again, what day isn't?

I had 4 main areas to visit for the day:police station,bank,unes,and alliance française.
I got up early and visited a police station to get an abstract for a new identification card then withdrew the first instalment of my school from m-pesa on my way back home...now that assignment 1 was taken care of,Irelaxed,gave myself a tap on the back for a job well done because i have been postponing that trip to the station for a little over a week.

But lets face it.Am sure we all played cops and robbers when we were kids and loved the game but once one is in their 20’s, cops and robbers both appear to be playing for the same team and it is considered best to avoid them at all cost.That's because they both have a negative effect on morals.(none can be trusted) and trust is my number 1 moral.

Had my second coffee dose and dosed off for a while till around 1pm,facebooked  for a while and later got to post a poem i wrote about 2 years back...right after my last real hook up.I choose not to call it a relationship because every time i do that,Someone has to screw it up by adding that LOVE word into it and expect more than what i can give.

It was all summer time in the morning then just as i am about to leave for the CBD,it starts to rain. *fuck this weather* how now?????..... I loath to change outfit on such short notice and wearing closed shoes but i didn't have a choice.This is not to be confused with taking them off in smoking hot company... in fact, i don't even take them off myself....hehehe!!If you  know what i mean.

With time running out,i decide to postpone the whole bank and unes plot and decide to leave my school fees behind.I grab my wallet and passport because i was almost certain they would require some identification  for the play since it was  a ''strictly adults show'' and i had made an e-payment to reserve a seat.

Fast forward to the horrible traffic jam on Jogoo road  that prompted the matatu driver to make a detour and use the  jua kali market road that leads to the city stadium roundabout...and what i  was thinking was going to happen<happened>.the matatu got stuck on that muddy road...I sure as hell didn't have the patience to sit in there and yet i knew for sure that we were going nowhere any time soon.so i fold my pants and hop off....

Once i got to the stadium bus stop,i decide to have my shoes cleaned as i sexted my date to  double check is she was still gonna make it for the play on time.

I never got to read the response to that text all thanks to this bus that caught my attention.So i alight,have a sit and just as it is about to take off,6 men walk into the matatu. I study their faces and chills go down my entire body...under other circumstances,i wouldn't even be in that matatu but I was.And with the many encounters i have had with thugs,even before they said a word or chacked their bonokoz(Fake gun designed to not only resemble a real gun but to serve the same purpose as the real one).I was already nervous and frozen stiff.

Yes you guessed it!!!For those  who have been in a matatu gun point robbery,You know the drill....mobile phones ,money, wallets, purses into the huge yellow paper bag with a second strip search after one of their people gets the fast bunch of stolen stuff into the get away vehicle.......which in this case is No 11 i.e. on foot.

To be continued......

--------------- Happy Endings -------------------

I’ve never been good at happy endings
No fake fairy tales
I can barely tell if I’m the hero or the villain.

Staying true to form, I asked for blue skies and you gave me a storm
(And that’s not even a metaphor)
I’m just really sorry for the raindrops.

So, meet me on the mountaintop
where the atmosphere is thin
And we depend on each other to breathe.
Baby, I was suffocating,
thank God for the breath of fresh air.

No, I’m not  drowning in the wishing-well of all your fairy tales
I used to tell you but you never listen.
Don't let good sex confuse your heart,
Making you think you're in love.

Sorry I couldn’t give you a “happily ever after” chapter
I’m no good at happy endings.
But I hope you find it with someone else soon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twisted

rush......

I do not have the time to write this morning. I surely wish that I did. I must leave the house in 2 minutes exactly to keep to my schedule.

Much work to follow...(ok not that much)!But its the only free day i have to spend time with my precious god son and make preparations for his birthday with the mom.......and as usual,I am super fashionably late

I hope to return home early and sober this evening and get some thoughts down before tomorrow. I am well and enjoying this beautiful,and probably soon to be rainy day. Have a peaceful day, everyone. :)

Enjoy My song of the month!!

May Day treat...

Hey I just met you

And this is crazy

I have a boner

So blow me maybe......hehehe....

I loved this track from the first time i heard it.

I loved it even more after i saw the video and got a super crush on Holden Nowell. Gawd!!! that Killer body is something that i can stare at all day long ...

hmmm.... and maybe:....

I have to stop this right now and get to doing the needful...